{"id":12,"date":"2010-08-29T14:51:18","date_gmt":"2010-08-29T21:51:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/?p=12"},"modified":"2025-06-25T11:31:17","modified_gmt":"2025-06-25T18:31:17","slug":"the-four-nothings-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/the-four-nothings-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Four Nothings"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Four Nothings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&#8217;s a bright, sunny day in 1987. I&#8217;m walking along Victoria Street, near the Gas Company office. I&#8217;m reflecting on my boss&#8217;s invitation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;m inviting you all (he&#8217;d said) to submit a saying that&#8217;s meaningful to you. We&#8217;ll pick a winner to put on the wall for inspiration for all of us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I ponder that \u2026 and I think to myself, &#8220;Well, why not just start from scratch? A saying.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I tuck that little assignment into my subconscious, where it ruminates for a few days until suddenly, just as I pass the doorway at Southern California Gas, there it is:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Hide<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Fear<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Regret<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Prove<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Nothing to Hide.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cyrus had a medical appointment. He was a little hard of hearing, so Mabel had to go with him to make sure she knew what was going on, and also to explain to her husband in case he couldn&#8217;t hear the doctor.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&#8220;Ahem,&#8221; says the doctor, &#8220;I&#8217;ll need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cyrus turns to Mabel: &#8220;W-w-w-what does he want?&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mabel yells back, &#8220;Well, honey, he wants you to leave your underpants here.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Old Cyrus left his dirty laundry at the doctor&#8217;s office. It was in group therapy that all <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">my<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> dirty laundry came out \u2026 and I discovered two things:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It looked just like everybody else&#8217;s dirty laundry; and<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Somehow, getting it out into the light had a bleaching effect\u2014it seems some of the grunge, miraculously, got washed out in the understanding and forgiveness of others.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For a while, in celebrating my discovery, I figured the whole world would want to join me in examining my dirty laundry.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hmm. Not so.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I eventually began to see the wisdom of this saying: &#8220;The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, I came to realize that I needed to exercise some discretion when deciding with whom and when to share the details of my life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But still, learning to live with nothing to hide is like crawling into a fresh pair of shorts: crisp &#8230; cool &#8230; and clean.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Hide.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And now: <\/span><b>Nothing to Fear.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here&#8217;s some more wisdom, this time from the mouths of babes:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Patrick, age 11, says, &#8220;When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she&#8217;s on the phone.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alissa, age 9, says, &#8220;When your mom is mad at your dad, don&#8217;t let her brush your hair.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the things we often fear as kids is our parents. And, if they taught us right, one of the things we often fear as adults is the police.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It was my Buddhist years that taught me this one: Live a right life, and you&#8217;ll have nothing to fear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My Zen priest encouraged me to consider &#8230; driving the speed limit.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ridiculous, I said.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try it, he said.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So I did.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And I discovered a principle that has bubbled over into many areas of life: when I live with nothing to hide, I can live\u2014hey\u2014with nothing to fear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I don&#8217;t have to spend mental energy looking in the rear-view mirror of life, afraid of getting caught. What a burden that lifts. What a freedom from distraction and anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But it&#8217;s more than that, isn&#8217;t it? It&#8217;s more than just trying to keep our laundry clean.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&#8217;s taking on the fears of life, and learning that they can be overcome. Fear is just a clue that there&#8217;s something we need to pay attention to.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Hide.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Fear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Nothing to Regret.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regret is about being sorry for what we&#8217;ve done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being sorry is about needing forgiveness for what we&#8217;ve done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Getting forgiveness is about being set right in relationships, despite what we&#8217;ve done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes we don&#8217;t seek forgiveness, because we&#8217;re waiting for the other person to take the first step. We&#8217;re afraid we&#8217;ll be rejected, so we don&#8217;t take initiative, and as a result we are burdened (consciously or not) by our unresolved regrets.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What&#8217;s given me courage to get past my fears, to come out of hiding, to seek to make the amends needed, is the starting point of forgiveness when I, first of all, get set right in my relationship with my Creator.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the Christian story, God takes the first step. God says, &#8220;Whew, all that freedom I gave you guys\u2014including the freedom to mess things up the way you do\u2014I&#8217;m really sorry about that. I&#8217;m responsible for creating you with freedom, and I accept that responsibility. I want to be set right with you. And so I&#8217;m going to be a person just like you\u2014so <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">you<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> will know, that <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> know, what it feels like to hurt the way you do.&#8221;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, when someone takes the initiative toward me, it&#8217;s easier for me to take my own responsibility in that relationship. And having practiced for a while making peace with my Maker, it gets a little easier to take initiative to make peace with my neighbor.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so it helps me live with Nothing to Regret.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Hide.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Fear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nothing to Regret.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And finally, <\/span><b>Nothing to Prove.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I put this last, and not by accident. It&#8217;s last because it&#8217;s the hardest for me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Somewhere inside, there&#8217;s still this scared and lonely little boy who wants to be accepted, and thinks he has to prove himself in order to be loved. In my head I know that&#8217;s not really true.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I succeed, now and again, in letting go of trying to prove myself, of trying so hard to be approved by others, I get, again, this jubilant sensation of freedom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What a marvelous thing that is!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Four Nothings have come to mind many times over the years, and they&#8217;ve helped me over many a hump in life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I should tell you, though: I didn&#8217;t win that sayings contest those many years ago. I didn&#8217;t even get Honorable Mention.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, what the heck! I&#8217;ve got \u2026 Nothing to Prove.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. Nothing to regret. Nothing to prove.<br \/>\nFrom a Toastmasters speech in 1996.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-four-nothings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.howitseemstome.net\/posit\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}